Can you identify the dumb celebrity crooks in this farce
one of my new friends and his mother created or add more of them? I was born in eastern Kentucky just across the
river from Ohio, but I've lived in California, New York, Illinois, Ohio, Texas, etc. January 2002, the "Santa Claus
Bandit" robbed banks in two towns about 25 and 45 miles south of my birthplace. His only disguise was a Santa cap,
so he was a candidate for "America's Dumbest Criminals".
A new friend told me his mother made up a humorous story about
one of his professors robbing the bank at Paintsville, KY, and he and she added nearly 300 stories to it that have
local people and celebrities robbing the bank. Can you identify the dumb celebrity robbers in the following samples
of their tales? Can you add more tales that are similar?
Robbery #12- A big man in a pinstriped baseball uniform robbed the
bank. He told a pretty lady teller to pull his finger. When she did, he broke wind so loudly that some water was
knocked out of the sink in the restroom. He said, "I'll give $1000 from the loot to anyone that can match that loud
#37- A masked man in a suit strode pompously into the bank and
announced loudly, "I must have $8,000,000 right now, or the Lord is going to call me home!"
#38- A 6'-2", 205 pound man with a beard and wearing a robe led a gang
in robes too that robbed the bank. When cops arrested them, he boomed loudly, "Let my people go!"
#42- A big masked man drew a gun, and a lady teller screamed, "Mon
Dieu!" (My God!) The robber said, "Don't bug me, Stella!" Another teller said, "She is Merielle from France, not
Stella!" He held out his hand to Merielle and said, "Madamoiselle, tirez le doigt!" (Miss, pull the finger!) When
she did that, everyone heard "un tres fort pet" ( a very loud fart).
#43- Two masked ladies robbed the bank.
The auburn-haired one said, "I want some travelling money to go to Chicago that is one of our 52 states!" The
blonde said, "I want to go the places overseas, like Canada!" A teller said, "Your voice sounds fmiliar. aren't you
a popular singer?" The blonde said, "Yes, I am! I do my thing when I'm on stage, and afterward, I trip, burp and
fart just like everyone else!" #124- A sleepy-eyed guy who was on drugs robbed the bank. He was naked with ketchup
smeared all over his body. When someone asked about that, he explained, "I'm going to a masquerade party as a hot
dog!" #85- Two men robbed the bank July 7, 2002. The older one
bowed his head and said, "Let's pay our respects to our fine boys who died exactly 61 years ago today when Pearl
Harbor was bombed!" Many people laughed when they heard that, so the younger robber said, "Oh, Dad knows Pearl
Harbor Day is really September 7!" He was puzzled when everyone laughed even harder at his apology. Do you think
you know who these crooks are? See the answers righthere
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