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 Can you identify the dumb celebrity crooks in this farce one of my new friends and his mother created or add more of them? I was born in eastern Kentucky just across the river from Ohio, but I've lived in California, New York, Illinois, Ohio, Texas, etc. January 2002, the "Santa Claus Bandit" robbed banks in two towns about 25 and 45 miles south of my birthplace. His only disguise was a Santa cap, so he was a candidate for "America's Dumbest Criminals".

 A new friend told me his mother made up a humorous story about one of his professors robbing the bank at Paintsville, KY, and he and she added nearly 300 stories to it that have local people and celebrities robbing the bank. Can you identify the dumb celebrity robbers in the following samples of their tales? Can you add more tales that are similar?

Robbery #12- A big man in a pinstriped baseball uniform robbed the bank. He told a pretty lady teller to pull his finger. When she did, he broke wind so loudly that some water was knocked out of the sink in the restroom. He said, "I'll give $1000 from the loot to anyone that can match that loud note!"Robbery

 

#37- A masked man in a suit strode pompously into the bank and announced loudly, "I must have $8,000,000 right now, or the Lord is going to call me home!"

#38- A 6'-2", 205 pound man with a beard and wearing a robe led a gang in robes too that robbed the bank. When cops arrested them, he boomed loudly, "Let my people go!"

#42- A big masked man drew a gun, and a lady teller screamed, "Mon Dieu!" (My God!) The robber said, "Don't bug me, Stella!" Another teller said, "She is Merielle from France, not Stella!" He held out his hand to Merielle and said, "Madamoiselle, tirez le doigt!" (Miss, pull the finger!) When she did that, everyone heard "un tres fort pet" ( a very loud fart).

#43- Two masked ladies robbed the bank. The auburn-haired one said, "I want some travelling money to go to Chicago that is one of our 52 states!" The blonde said, "I want to go the places overseas, like Canada!" A teller said, "Your voice sounds fmiliar. aren't you a popular singer?" The blonde said, "Yes, I am! I do my thing when I'm on stage, and afterward, I trip, burp and fart just like everyone else!"
#124- A sleepy-eyed guy who was on drugs robbed the bank. He was naked with ketchup smeared all over his body. When someone asked about that, he explained, "I'm going to a masquerade party as a hot dog!" #85- Two men robbed the bank July 7, 2002. The older one bowed his head and said, "Let's pay our respects to our fine boys who died exactly 61 years ago today when Pearl Harbor was bombed!" Many people laughed when they heard that, so the younger robber said, "Oh, Dad knows Pearl Harbor Day is really September 7!" He was puzzled when everyone laughed even harder at his apology. Do you think you know who these crooks are? See the answers right here

 

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